Draco Malfoy Is Not a Romantic
by battante
Summary: oneshot, rated for safety, though there's nothing bad in it.


**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters.**

It was Hermione's birthday today, and Draco wanted to make it very special. He thought he should make it quite romantic, since she was into that stuff. But there was one large problem.

Draco Malfoy was not a romantic.

That's it, end of story. There's nothing more to explain about that subject. Sure, he was utterly fantastic in bed, but that's to be expected. He is a Malfoy, after all. All Malfoys have certain qualities programmed into their elite brains the minute they are conceived. Among the many qualities were the ability to give five-star smirks and sneers, having gorgeous features, and… not being able to be romantic whatsoever.

That's right; Draco Malfoy couldn't be romantic to save his own pureblood life. But Hell, a man can try when it comes to his girlfriend's birthday, can't he?

So, Draco decided to start off by setting up a candlelit dinner by the beach. He thought it sounded romantic and easy enough to do, considering the fact that the new Malfoy Manor was conveniently located next to a gorgeous, private beach in England.

Draco had laid out a bunch of clues here and there inside of the manor in specific places that Hermione was bound to go to, therefore she would find the first clue, read it, find the next one, and so on and so forth after she finally got to her set destination: the dinner.

Unfortunately though, Hermione had found out about his plans to have a romantic dinner when he was not yet finished since she had found all of the clues a little too quickly, and had walked in on him setting up the plates. She insisted on watching him finish setting up. This ruined it a bit for Draco, though she explained numerous amounts of times that his clue idea was quite spiffy and sweet, but he had wanted to see Hermione's surprised and delighted face whilst stumbling upon a beautiful dinner for two; not her confused and baffled expression when barging in on a semi-decorated wooden table with one plate on it. Nevertheless, Draco pouted and continued to set up.

When the task was finally complete, it did indeed look beautiful. It resembled that picture Draco had seen from Hermione's latest issue of Witch Weekly, the one with the World's Most Romantic Wizard Contest winner setting up a dinner for his wife. Oh how Draco hated that man with his shiny teeth, finely combed brown hair, and his mystifying green eyes, but he hated him the most because he saw Hermione goggling at is picture. Well, here was his chance to show Hermione he was better than some imbecile that only wore white suits…

"Happy birthday, love." Draco whispered as he pulled out Hermione's chair, motioning for her to sit down. He gave her a kiss and then sat down on his own chair, opposite of her.

"Well, I didn't think you would actually succeed in this-"

Draco scoffed, "I, Draco Malfoy, can do anything." Hermione smirked at him.

"Of course you can, dear... As I was saying, I have to admit that it does look wonderful." Draco got a giddy feeling in his chest after he heard that, and started to grin goofily at her.

"Well, let's eat then." Draco lifted the coverings on the food and revealed a perfectly prepared meal. Hermione _ooo_ed and _ahhhh_ed and told him how lovely it was. Draco was about to walk over and hand her a rose he had handpicked, when a large, suspicious wave came crashing down on them.

"Gahh!" he exclaimed, while Hermione sat silently in shock. She soon burst out laughing. Draco's expression became sour as he looked at his girlfriend.

"Seems like you placed the table a bit too close to the water." Hermione said in between her fits of laughter. She didn't seem to mind that they were drenched in water and that their meal, which took Draco ages to prepare mind you, was now ruined.

"Why are you laughing at me when all of my hard work has just gone to waste?" He asked, sounding a little hurt. Hermione looked at him. His face was in a rather cute pout, and his expensive dress robe was soaking wet. His usually white-blond hair now looked hay colored because of the water, and it was messily sprawled in front of his eyes. Hermione thought that he looked absolutely adorable, she wished she had a camera with her. She smiled.

"Come on, don't get too worked up about it. Here, I'll fix it." Draco continued to huff as she stood up and did many motions with her wand. The table had been moved farther back so that they were now out of the water's way. They were now completely dry, but the food was still ruined and the candles had gone out. Hermione waved her wand once more and food was replaced by even more delicious looking ones that were not drenched in seawater, but she couldn't do anything about the candles.

"I'm afraid you'll have to do the candles, Draco." She said, that smile was still on her face. No matter how pretty it was, it was getting on Draco's nerves.

"Fine, I have a lighter." He scowled as pulled out his magical lighter. He reached over the table and lit the candles. The mood was set to romantic again and they continued to eat and chat.

After they finished their lovely meal and dessert, Draco decided it was time to give the rose from earlier to her.

"Hermione, I got this for you." There was a beautiful white rose peaking out from under the table. Its petals looked as if they were made of silk and they reflected the moonlight, casting the illusion of a glowing white light around it. The stem looked like it was velvet, but that theory was soon to be proved wrong.

"AH! I'm bleeding!" As Draco picked up the rose, one of its thorns had decided to get sneaky and thrust itself into his thumb. The rose was forgotten as he put his thumb in his mouth, as if kissing it would make it better. The rose landed in Hermione's lap, where it surprisingly did not prick her. Draco glared at the rose. "Evil weed…" He mumbled under his breath. Hermione just chuckled.

"It's not evil, Draco, it's beautiful, thank you." She walked and gave him a kiss, then went back to her seat. "And besides, if I was the rose, I'd prick you too, just to feel you on me." Hermione gave him a seductive look. Draco smirked.

"With that said, I believe it's time for some champagne." He got out a bottle of Hermione's favorite kind of red champagne and opened it.

_POP!_

"OW MY EYE!"

Hermione rushed over to her boyfriend who had gotten hit in one of his gorgeous ice blue-gray eyes. She took her shawl that she was wearing, made a part of it into a ball, breathed hot air on it, and placed it on his eye. After minutes of repeating this process, she kissed his eye.

"Better?" she asked him.

"Yeah..." replied Draco. She knew that he hated when she babied him, but she insisted on doing it.

"Good, now I can laugh at your stupidity." Hermione said with another one of her smiles and burst out laughing. Draco's normally colorless face turned red with annoyance and embarrassment.

"Tell me you never got hit in the eye with a cork before!" He exclaimed. This caused Hermione to laugh louder since it was true, she had _never_ been hit in the eye with a champagne bottle top before, and she was sure many people would agree with her. Draco was getting annoyed with her laughing and had an idea. He smirked as he stood up and leaned over the table, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. Hermione immediately shut up and took advantage of the moment.

They stood there snogging for what seemed like forever. Then Hermione smelled something burning. She broke the kiss, gasping for air. "Do you smell that- DRACO YOUR ROBES!" Hermione exclaimed. The front of Draco's robes had caught fire from the candles. He screamed (a rather manly scream mind you) and ran around in circles. Hermione would have loudly burst out laughing once more if it hadn't been for the fact that the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with had the risk of burning to death right then and there. She grabbed her wand and shouted a water spell. Draco immediately stopped rolling around the floor (since he had decided to try the stop, drop, and roll method) and screaming. He felt like he had just been hit with a pail of ice-cold water.

Once again, on this dreadful night, Draco Malfoy was soaked in water.

Hermione rushed over to him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," He used a drying spell on himself, and then looked for any scorch marks. He really was fine, in the sense of okayness as well as at a level of sexy.

"Let's move on with the rest of your birthday." He grumbled. Hermione sighed and nodded. She hugged him and they apparated to the manor.

Well, Part One of Draco's plan to show Hermione that he was a good romantic on her birthday had failed miserably. But Draco still had a bit of faith. Part Two was about to be commenced, and it was in his field of expertise. And no, it wasn't his expertise in smirking, sneering, or scowling, mind you. It was another thing that Malfoy men were known for…

They landed in their (Hermione had been living with him) bedroom. Hermione was surprised to see that it was dark, and that she was alone. She had apparated here with Draco, but where had he gone? She turned around, and just then, the lights dimly flicked on. Hermione gasped. The room had many different colored rose petals all over the floor, and had a ton of balloons floating around. The petals went in paths that lead to their large, king-sized bed. She looked up at the ceiling. It had been made to work like the ceiling at Hogwarts. It was a black night sky with bright stars that spelled out 'Happy birthday Hermione. I love you'. Hermione was pleasantly surprised. She knew that Draco could pull this off, since he was really good at magic, but she didn't know that he would go to the extent to do it all. Where was that man? Her birthday wish was to jump on him and give him a smooch.

As if the thought of his name was enough to summon him, Draco Malfoy appeared out of the shadows. He was a sight; his hair was done messily so that it was in his eyes because he knew Hermione loved that, and he wore nothing but a bathrobe that showed his toned muscles. In his hand was a bowl of liquid chocolate, Hermione's favorite kind. Now her wish was to jump on him and give him a smooch…and maybe something more…

Hermione walked over to Draco and he gave her his rare smile that was reserved for no one but her. She thought she was going to melt like the chocolate in his hands.

"Hello again, love." He whispered in her ear. Hermione felt goosebumps rise all over her body as she felt the hotness of his breath on her cheek and part of her neck. He started to kiss his way down her neck to her arm. He reached her fingers and went back up, and found a sensitive spot on her neck. He closed his eyes for a minute and Hermione jumped, giggling slightly.

"Argh!" Draco exclaimed, quite pirate-like, as Hermione's hand hit his face and stumbled, landing on his very-nice-to-look-at-and-tempting-to-smack bottom on the floor. The bowl that was filled with hot chocolate had been in his hand, and suspiciously fell on his head. Draco groaned… He was failing at the Malfoy men's own expertise; seducing women and then having freaky sex. He thought that the male members of the Malfoy line could probably feel the pain and were ashamed...

"Why'd you hit me?" Draco exclaimed, still sitting on the spot on the ground, the chocolate bowl remained atop his head. Hermione couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"I'm sorry Draco, but damn your long lashes, they tickled my neck. I jump when I'm tickled, you should know that!" He glowered up at her from underneath his hair.

"Forget about it, the whole thing's ruined anyway." He muttered. Hermione gave him a surprised look.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your birthday, of course! I was trying to be all romantic for you and everything went wrong."

"I don't think anything went wrong, Draco"

"Are you mad, woman? It was a disaster. First you finish the clues too quickly and come in on me setting up your dinner. Then we get hit by an angry wave and you laugh at me, next I prick myself with a bloody rose and you laugh some more. After that, a champagne cork decides it likes my left eye and wants to live there and you laugh at me still, next thing you know I almost get burnt alive and luckily you don't laugh. A minute ago I suddenly lost my ability to seduce and give amazing sex, and now I'm sitting here, on my arse with a bowl of chocolate on my head and its former containments leaking down my face, explaining to you why your birthday is ruined because I can't bloody prove to you that I'm romantic!" Draco explained with a huff. Hermione looked at him like he was crazy.

"You don't have to prove anything to me! I thought it was sweet for you to do the clues, so I was eager to finish. I thought it was even sweeter for you to set up a dinner, so I stayed to watch you. I thought it was cute when you got hit by a wave because your hair was in your eyes, just the way I like it, and your face had the most adorable expression. I thought that rose was very beautiful and felt important and lighter inside when you said it was picked out just for me." Draco stopped glowering a bit.

"I was worried when the cork hit your beautiful eye, but it was funny after you were fine and lightened my mood some more. You didn't get burnt alive because I wouldn't think of ever letting that happen to you. Who would I cuddle up with if it did? I have to agree with you about the part that you're sitting on your arse with a bowl of chocolate on your head, but Draco Malfoy, you have just explained to me how much you love me and what you would go through just to make my birthday wonderful." Draco smiled at this and stood up.

"Always knew you couldn't resist my charm," Hermione knew that was his way of saying that he loved her, "I have something for you." He pulled out a black, velvet box from a hidden pocket on his robe

"Why are you all teary, you haven't opened it yet! For all you know, there could be a bomb in there." Draco said, chuckling. Hermione glared an angerless glare at him and wiped the tears of joy that had formed in the corner of her eyes. She opened the box. There was no use in wiping the tears, she now figured, since a whole new mob of them were spilling out of her eyes. Inside the box was a beautiful ring. It had a thin, silver band with a large, rectangular green stone in the middle. Hermione noticed that when the ring shone in the light and as well as when in was looked at in certain angles, the green stone appeared to by Gryffindor red. There were two diamonds placed on each side of the marvelous rock. The band read 'draco&hermione' in fine, neat cursive carved letters. Hermione looked at Draco. She inhaled shakily, "What's this?" Draco smiled.

"Will you, Hermione Jean Granger, be my wife?" He asked, a large balloon of hope inflating in his chest. Hermione stared at him for a really long time. Draco wouldn't be surprised if she had heard the deflating of that balloon in his chest.

"YES!" She suddenly squealed, almost giving Draco a heart attack, but he managed to smirk and smile at the same time and slip the ring onto her finger. Then they just stood there for an awkward moment, Hermione simply admiring her ring while Draco stood admiring her. Then, once again, Hermione almost gave Draco a heart attack by fulfilling her birthday wish, she jumped on him, making them both land on their bed, and gave him a large smooch. When she pulled away, she licked some chocolate off of his face seductively.

"And as for you loosing your amazing seducing and lovemaking skills, I think that we can figure that out right now, don't you?" Hermione smiled at him when he started nodding his head crazily. In a fast motion she sat on top of him and leaned to whisper in his ear…

"Draco Malfoy, you are _my_ romantic."

**A/N: For my bestie, hope I made you proud:) review please!**


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